Mommy Dearest!

    Let me first start off by saying, you can't help but love my mother.  Now whether that is because of the train-wreck nature of some of the things that come out of her mind and mouth and you just can not believe anyone actually said that or, because you find her so entertaining... you decide!  I like to think that, at least in part, this is because she is a fish out of water here inside the bubble.  She is originally from Long Island, NY.  So take that brassy east coast culture/attitude and drop it smack dab in the middle of the white bread wonderland that is Utah, sit back, and let the show begin!  

     I vividly remember when I was little, being in the family mini-van at the McDonald's drive-thru, and my mother placing an order w/ four small children in the car.  The poor unsuspecting teenager working the drive-thru having a hard time understanding a thick New York accent (it probably being the first time she had heard one) and asking my mother to repeat herself 3 and 4 times.  Mom has never had much patience for "stupidity" and in her estimation of Utah it's EVERYWHERE!  So naturally (at least in her mind) she was getting frustrated and being the emotional Italian that she is, it was showing.  And the madder she got, the less the teenager could understand her.   So while my mother was screaming "I just need sawlt and wahdder" at the speaker, my sister leans around my mother and says "can we please have extra salt and water" and the teenager actually had the nerve to say "ohhhhhh! why didn't you say so"?   This is just one of many examples that you'll hear about in the coming posts of the oil and "wahdder" relationship my mother has with Utah.  But on the other hand, I don't think she'd ever leave here.  She loves it!  Because the people are so trusting and easily manipulated that she is able to get away with things she never would in New York.  

    Bringing friends home was always an experience too, once they got over the "deer caught in the headlights" look my mother "asked" them to do her a favor and (insert chore here).  One chore lead to another, lead to another, lead to another.... and two days later I would come home from school and find my friend working at my house cleaning, usually on work-study from school.  My mother systematically hired each of my friends growing up to help clean, but what they didn't realize when they agreed to clean was my mother's concept "real estate perfect" (a term she coined).  "Real Estate perfect" meant that the house was ready to be shown by a Realtor at any moment.  This was something my sisters and I understood all too well because growing up our house was on and off the market practically every other month.  So because of this white glove test cleaning attitude of my mother, the kids never lasted long.  She had a higher turn-over rate then an outbound telemarketing call center selling long-distance.  Her "employees" would start by calling with an excuse about why they couldn't make it that day, and that was the beginning of the end.  After that, they would start "forgetting", and then they would conveniently not be around to take my mom's calls to re-schedule.  The hard part for me, of course, was they would stop talking to me for FEAR that my mother would somehow suck them back in through me.  This is something that hasn't changed, she will still ask friends I bring home to do "favors" for her, and think there's nothing wrong with that.  What HAS changed, is I'm now much more vocal in reminding her that they are a guest in the house, and not hired help. I will tell her "no they can not" and that "I will do it later" and quickly usher the friend downstairs and out of her radar range.  The result, many of my friends are frightened to come over because they don't want to be put to work.  However, the friends who have survived the gauntlet are some of the best friends I could ever hope to have in my life.  And the ones who didn't, where more of less only my friend to fellowship me in an attempt to convert me, so no big loss (and at least my mom got her house cleaned).